On the 22th of April, 2012, I signed up for a WordPress.com account. The same day I wrote and published my first blog post. I didn’t know how to write an article, what a headline was, or how to format a blog post. I didn’t know who my target audience was, I didn’t have any […]
The mikolo plans continued and so did the surprises and some wedding blues too. By October, most of the plans were pretty much locked in, with little or no room for change. The search for finances was still very much ongoing, where they did not show up, we
went on our knees and at times when we would allow worry and fear to take pre-eminence, we would think about strategies like getting a bank loan or even selling off some property. But thank God we never actually went that far. I guess God always pulled us back fast into His promises. When things seemed a bit tougher on some days, I would tell myself “but this was started by God. I didn’t even want to get married this year  God, this was your idea” I would tell myself all sorts of things and pull out all sorts of scripture to remind myself of the promises of God.
Nugget: Be willing to work and plan within your budget! At the end of the day, you will be glad you did not finish off your mikolo with debts. A loan is never a good idea unless you are going to use it to make more money.
At the end of 2018, we had received a prophecy about our wedding and that it had to be in 2019. Now those who know me a little bit more will tell you that in 2016 I started talking about how I would get married in 2020. Weirdly, most of the people I would tell that plan would laugh and tell me that 2020 was too far for me and that I had to look closer. Obviously, I thought they were out of their minds and that 2020 must be my wedding year!! I was not particular to any dates/months but I was stuck on the year 2020. Looking back now in retrospect, and with the way the first half of 2020 has turned out, I am glad the prophecy drew my wedding a year earlier. Bear in mind that as I was saying 2020 was my wedding year, I had no boyfriend haha but I was willing to convince whoever will come to settle for 2020. When my husband rolled around, we got to that serious part of the relationship where we addressed our plans for marriage and he was thinking the same year so… there you go! Our plan was to get to know each other in 2018, get acquainted with each other’s families in 2019 while planning/saving up for the wedding and then get married in 2020. All this changed in December 2018!
Nugget: Make your plans, make them clear but leave room for God to lead you as according to His will.
After receiving the prophecy, we had to expedite all our plans. I had to tell my parents that boxing day that I was going to get married in the new year. I had to solicit the help of my spiritual mom to know how to tell my biological mother that I was getting married. All she told me, I applied and that part was successfully done. Making a decision to get married is not an easy one. There seems to always be questions about the when, the how and the who. I was anxious about the whole idea of getting married but I wanted to believe in a new journey that would be perfect or at least as close as it could be. I have come to learn over time that obedience is indeed better than sacrifice and I wanted to obey the voice of God and believe that our wedding will be well provided for. However much I love to sing about obedience, I was neither willing to hear nor obey the voice of God on one thing; a prophecy about who I was supposed to marry. No. That part, I was not going to hear it. I was not willing to listen to anyone who would come to tell me that so and so was supposed to be my husband *heck no!*. I was not willing to love someone and get married to them simply because of prophecy. That was a big no-no. I wanted the liberty to choose for myself (is that too much to ask?) Thankfully, I made my own choice and fell in love with this guy that I had been seeing since 2015 – without any thought of having a relationship with – but I started paying attention to him in 2017.
The prophecy about our wedding came after we had already made plans to get married anyway so it was a confirmation of purpose, a confirmation that we were meant to be together. But at least my heart got to choose him first. 2019 started off well and we were actually looking forward to getting married in the first half of the year. As previously shared, this did not work out but we were not going to push beyond 2019 because we knew that past 2019, we would be outside the will of God. When you are within the will of God, a way is provided, there is ease, there is grace. So, we knew that if we push our wedding for whatever reason beyond 2019, it would become much harder to accomplish it successfully and easily. We banked on the word of God all the way.
Nugget: It’s important to do things in their time. The beauty of things like relationships is more evident when in the right time. Sometimes, your present may seem a bit far from your dreams but if it is of God, it will be much better than you ever dreamt. To hold on to the present in the hope for a much more beautiful future ahead, you have got to let go of the past. Let go of the past fantasies, let go of the past relationships, let go of the past fears and failures, let go of the past! Period! After you let it go, you will see that the table God has set for you has many more yummy treats. What is yours, what has always been meant for you, will always be more beautiful, more fulfilling and more satisfying.
Throughout the beginning of the year 2019, I made sure that my family got more and more familiar with the fact that I was getting married. I would bring up my husband-to-be’s name in all possible conversations with my parents and siblings so that they become more aware of him and all that would be happening in a few months. Sometimes I would use his phone to call or text my parents or siblings just so they could be aware of who I was spending most of my time with. I invited him over for a lunch on Easter and my parents got to see him and embrace him a little bit more. I wanted to do everything right especially being among the first official weddings to happen in my family. I wanted to set a pace, a bar and most importantly, I wanted my husband to be respected in my family as an able, willing, and prepared man. Building stones, building stones.
I wanted my wedding/mikolo/functions to restore peace, love, and unity in our family. A lot had been happening in the previous years and we were all a tad broken as a family unit. I purposefully involved my sisters, brothers, and my parents in the plans and we are much closer right now that we have been in a while, just as I had hoped. From the Kukyala to the Kwanjula, everything went on well, with my sister by my side as my matron and my mum by my side as my ever-present counselor but also my hair and makeup artiste. Yes, I could afford to hire one but I needed it to be my mum. We talked, we gossiped, we laughed – I could not have asked for better.
Nugget: Much as weddings are beautiful and you get to be beautiful and dance (oh, I danced with my girls, with my husband, with my friends…damn!) the bigger picture is the marriage. The values you set before your wedding and the things you put in place that will stand even after the wedding are the real deal. Even amidst the plans, think about the after. What pace do you want your marriage to set?
30th November rolled up and it was a beautiful day! I have always been a firm believer in the fact that “those who are meant to be present will be present” and so some people gave us apologies on why they couldn’t come but we were very okay with it. Besides, it helped us manage numbers at the reception and avoid extra costs – if everyone we had invited had shown up, we would have ended the night with a food bill in excess of a whooping UGX 2.5m. Isn’t God great? 😊
We did not want to stress out our wedding committee, family, friends, and even the entourage so we limited costs greatly in favor of letting people simply enjoy the functions. We tried to understand those who wanted us to understand them, we were quick to forgive those who spoke against some of our choices and we paid a deaf ear to those who had ill intentions. At the end of it all, it was such a joy hearing my relatives say things like “eh, you have done it Jowa, even mine has to be like this” or “may God help me reach this level too, Joan” or “wow, where did you guys get the money to organize such events” etc etc. My own mother kept asking me how we did it and she was thinking we had gotten loans from all over the place. However, after the wedding, we had only one service provider pending last payments and that was the Coverage team (Tip: these cannot ever ever be paid fully, pay according to the deliverables agreed)
Nugget: Stick to your budget. Do not try to put on a show for the people because it will be you to stress about clearing bills after the wedding. Do things within your means. Trust me, at the end of the day, what matters is joy, peace of mind and the love you both share.
To the people who were there all the way, I can never repay you. I make mention of you to God as often as I can. God bless you always. Numbers 6:24-25
Check in next Saturday for the The Wedding Journey #4 Honeymoon Extra
We cannot run away from relationships and I understand and respect those who do not want to enter into the institution of marriage, after all, it is their opinion. However, relationships like marriage seem like one of the most ideal next-prayer-request after school and a job. The actual worldwide statistics on relationships/marriages are not positive at all; how many last, how many marriages end up in divorce, how many divorced people swear that they will never get involved in marriage again, how many singles would rather build careers than invest in marriage? Staggering stats. Well, I cannot change those statistics as an individual, in one day. But I am here to share a few things that if you learn them and apply them, maybe, just maybe, you will not be part of the statistics.
Again, I am not perfect and neither is my main relationship; my marriage. Every day, knowledge of how to make things better presents itself. And every day, I have to choose whether to hear, understand, and apply this knowledge as words of wisdom or trash it. This is one of the reasons I started writing again after a fairly long hiatus. You see, the world is good at telling us what will not work because of the patterns that have been set before us. But I believe that it is better to look at the patterns set and if they do not align with your beliefs and desires … do not follow them. Seeing that we cannot run away from relationships, I think it’s best that we equip ourselves with wisdom on how to make them work.
Some of the views shared may not be your cup of tea, or maybe you have applied them and you still faced betrayal but that does not make them wrong/inaccurate views. As you read and pick out what you would want to prioritize, do not be guided by mere feelings, be guided by God, be guided by purpose, be guided by wisdom.
I took time to select the men to get from the below views, some rooted in ministry, some are married, some are still very single, some are relating and some are still at the ‘it’s complicated’ phase. But they are men of fairly good character and reputation. I have not hidden some respondent’s identities so if you are in my circles, you will clearly identify a couple of respondents – I feel these men are confident enough to lay their identities bare.
So, interesting to note; Love was thrown all over the place in these views! Like, all over! Maybe it’s because men are called to love while women are called to submit? According to the bible? (though, the women kinda sidelined the issue of submission in their views) But yes, looks like the men are big on the issue of love or expectation of being loved.
“Falling in love is accidental, staying in love is intentional, and growing in love is delightful.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo
Communication was also a popular opinion which is a bit expected and applauded. Sex was mentioned by 2 people … mmmmmhhhhh…. yet I assume that it is very crucial to the male species (we’ll research!). Highlighted in yellow are other outliers that were mentioned. Very interesting views indeed;
Men know these things!
So, overall, I had quite an interesting time trying to learn the different pillars in relationships from over 40 people and hope you have learned a thing or two. Feel free to let me know if there is anything you would want me to write about and I will do so gladly – with the help of experience, wisdom, and some research.
Lastly, as applicable to all relationships;
1 Corinthians 16:14. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
See you back here next time for Phase 3 of My Wedding Journey.
I interrupt the wedding journey chronicles to bring you this special blog (please accept the interruptions, after all, writing is based on inspiration) Hope you are all holding up fairly well.
So, a few weeks ago, I contacted a number of ladies within my circles and asked them to participate in my small research, with the main question being; What are the 3 key things you think are most important in making a relationship work?
The topic of Relationships is a very interesting one and a very crucial one. I understand that various discussions have ensued around this topic (and more teachings and discussions should happen!) and since I have very informed women around me, I thought I would engage them. The feedback below is from some very single ladies, some dating and also some who are married. I thought it best to use the initials of their names so that the readers are not biased but note that these answers are from ladies of good character and integrity. The answers highlighted are those I considered outliers, outstanding, and largely uncommon in the sample space I used – but all the answers are equally important.
It is interesting to note that love was among the uncommon answers! Go figure! With communication being one of the most commonly given answers, which is great because I believe when you double-click most issues in relationships, the root cause is poor communication. Situations were maybe you do not hear well what the other person is saying, or where they do not respond fast enough, or where they do not say what you need to hear, or where one speaks too fast instead of listening, or where one is too harsh/rude in conflict etc. “It’s not usually about what you are saying but how you are saying it”. Where two or more people are involved, there is bound to be conflict but conflicts can be resolved without breaking relationships.
Proverbs 15: 1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but hard words stir up anger.”
It was interesting that a few ladies considered financial security/assurance/stability as among their top 3 and sex was mentioned by only one lady (this will be a blog for another time)
Much as relationships are different, it is important to note some good practices and recommended foundation blocks. I picked a learning from my small research and am hoping that you too can. It’s also very important to list down the things that are important to you as a man or woman intending to date and get married or those things that are important to you as a couple – married, engaged, or in courtship. Do not lose sight of the key building blocks of your relationship. Remember these can be improved on with time, wisdom, and experience but live by them, walk by them, practice them first before you demand them from your person.
PS: Enjoy below read and feel free to add or supplement on the below, in the comments section. There are some really great points.
Let communication be the seed that you water with honesty and love. So that it may produce a happy, fulfilling, and successful relationship. — Stephan Labossiere
PS: I got an opportunity to interview the opposite sex too! I am compiling the feedback and I will be sharing it next Saturday (Or even earlier, hopefully). Please watch out for it.
Here’s part 2! If you missed part one or need a recap, please click right here … The Wedding Journey Part 1
So, I got engaged on a Saturday and my family was not very involved in the preparations as it was a complete surprise to me. News of this kind travels really fast and if you do not control it, people will tell your story for you – I did not want that. But more importantly, I did not want my parents and siblings to find out from whatsapp statuses and facebook posts that I had gotten engaged. So, I started inboxing all those who had attended the proposal dinner, asking them not to share any pictures. That night, I was a wreck. I kept looking at the ring, taking it off, putting it back on, asking myself whether it was a dream… complete wreck.
Church was the next day and I knew that I could not go to church without telling my parents that I had a brand-new ring. Their ‘little girl’ was going to be taken. A few minutes before I could be picked up for church, I stood outside the door of my parents’ bedroom for about 15minutes trying to recite the short speech I was going to give them. Gathering all the courage I could, I finally knocked and stood at the foot of their bed and delivered my news. The shock was real! I believe only a few minutes passed before they could respond but it felt like a lifetime. Naturally, dads are not very emotional but it looked like my dad suddenly had a million things running in his mind but on the other side, my mum really wanted to see the ring. They said their congratulations and I left home for church.
Nugget: You need the blessing of your parents/guardians before you take any step towards marriage. And if your husband-to-be is wise, he will make sure that even before he proposes marriage to you, he has already showed his face to your parents/guardians – this is the respectful way.
The previous Christmas holidays, I had already told my parents that I was getting married the next year (which was another battle altogether) but I guess they thought I was not very serious about it since I had never really talked to them about marriage.
After the engagement, it became more ‘real’. Meetings after meetings ensued; this auntie, the other uncle, the other friend, jajja gundi … as I worked with my husband-to-be to get our plans in order. See, my husband-to-be was sharp – he first had a meeting with my dad before he proposed to me so he knew what to expect and what was expected of him. My dad had told him one thing; ‘get prepared’. So, we started getting prepared, together. From the get-go, we knew who, amongst our friends, we needed to have on our wedding committee; based on ability, skills, but mostly based on the closeness of the relationships. We drafted, prayed for, and then contacted our committee members who we shared with the start of our journey over a home-cooked meal (treat these people with respect, after all, they are doing you a favor – giving you time, advice and financial support). Our committee will tell you that we had prepared a PowerPoint presentation for them, one that included how we started, what we wanted to achieve, and also how far we had come to achieve those things.
Nugget: When choosing your wedding committee, you have to be very careful otherwise you will choose unreliable people to be part of your would-be support system. Do not simply pick people who are recent friends – no. Pick people who would go an extra mile for you, people who will work towards the success of your function as if it is their own. Mix up the team with people who have experience in the journey you are taking, people who are strict and whose advice you will not despise. But also, choose people who can give you OR can rally for you financial support (weddings need money dear people, money!)
By the time we brought our committee on board, we had made some good progress towards our wedding journey – we had a list of potential service providers and had actually made partial payments already on our non-negotiables like church, venue, clothing and had money set aside for our honeymoon too. Much as you need help from people, remember that this is your wedding! The help from people is supposed to come in after you have made attempts to do a certain load of preparations on your own. You cannot rely 100% on contributions from people.
My situation was even a little bit complicated because my husband’s father had passed away the previous year so we did not have that support from his side that a father brings. And on my side, guess what!!! My parents were making their own wedding preparations! We definitely could not set our wedding date before that of my parents so we pushed our wedding date but, in the background, we were continuing to put things together. We started saving up percentages of our salaries and we kept depositing on key things on a monthly basis. We also reached out to some friends and family members who could give financial support without first receiving their invitation cards. So, even before our wedding launch, we had already received some contributions and this was beyond helpful.
Nugget: Plan, strategise, plan some more and, do it together. Be a strong team of two. In this planning phase, I got much closer to my husband. Seeing him patient but while at the same time doing his very best to make sure that I had no reason to worry made me love and respect him so much more. Do not let your spouse carry the burden alone – this wedding is for the both of you and the marriage will be solely between the two of you. Use the time to pray together, strengthen one another and keep reaffirming the promises of God about your journey. How your spouse behaves during this time will tell you so much about them.
Here we were planning 3 functions with a small but very able group of people supporting us. Some days were hard because we did not know what lay ahead. This period is very interesting – some people will get closer to you as they give you all sorts of advice whereas other people will get further away from you because they think you are going to ask them for money. Interesting times indeed. You should expect them; not everyone you reach out to will support you but also, some of the people you do not reach out to will beautifully surprise you. Expect it and prepare for it, especially the former.
Remember, no one owes you anything. Even those you have supported before … they do not owe you anything. They will either choose to show up or they won’t, they will either choose to contribute of they won’t. Make your peace with this beforehand.
We did not want wedding meetings, neither did we want a wedding-contributions-whatsapp-group. So, we did a wedding launch which, by the grace of God, was very successful. Then we also did another meeting about a month towards the wedding – very few people showed up for this one but then again, they were quality people so the contributions still came in.
Nugget: It is important to know that different people will show up for you in different ways. Some will be able to contribute financially but they will not show up for a single meeting, others will be able to show up for all the meetings but may not be able to contribute financially and then there are those who will show up for the meetings and also contribute financially. There are some too who will neither show up for the meetings nor contribute financially but they will give you advice – Proverbs 11:14. There are those who will celebrate you online, full stop. Expect it. Accept it. Understand that these people are still your friends, keep loving them and respecting them.
Luckily, more people now are embracing the idea of ‘scientific weddings’ so a lot of this hassle will be sidelined. However, I will forever be proud of my husband for making all of it happen – it made me believe that he is actually able (you do not want a husband who cannot ‘come through’ )- and my family will always respect him for fulfilling their expectations of him, honoring them at all the traditional functions and opening up our families to more God-ordained marriages. I also truly believe I had one of the best wedding committees! And I had the best support system – friends, family, (spiritual and biological), bosses, colleagues, in-laws, etc. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Anyways, my parents got married on 31st August and our wedding was to be on 30th November … only 3 months after!
#3 The Actual Wedding/Mikolo Phase … next time on GeneviveByName…
30.05.2020 is the half-year mark into my 1st year of marriage (I got married on 30.11.2019) and wow, I have a lot to share! The journey to marriage is an interesting one and I cannot share it all in one blog post so I will break it down in phases that I will share occasionally (according to the reception, need or inspiration)
I was not like most girls and my sister, Julian, will be the first to tell you that I never used to daydream about marriage. That Cinderella-glass-slipper syndrome was definitely not my portion. It is safe to say that maybe this mindset was cemented by the fact that I had never really witnessed the wedding of a close family member, ever!
Nugget: Your surroundings have the ability to shape your aspirations, goals and life choices. You have the option though to conform to that which surrounds you or break free and set new patterns for others to follow.
Neither my aunties or my uncles (not even my mother and father!) were getting married officially so I had no role model in this area of my life. Besides, I thought marriage was a prison of sorts, and as long as I could make my own money, what was the point of marriage? Much as I was not seeing any marriages in the family, I was hearing a lot about relationships; the stress, the beatings, the unfaithfulness/infidelity… the bad was outweighing the good by far.
So, I focused on life, I made it a point to finish school safely – I was determined not to make the same mistakes I saw people around me making. My mother was pregnant with me when she was exactly 20yrs so I made it a point to not follow these patterns. I made it to 20yrs – no babies! (it’s funny how this is an achievement, but it is to me) I got into university on a government scholarship and I thought well … now I can have ‘fun’ with my life, after am past 20y/o and my parents do not have to struggle to pay my tuition. I started dating seriously, but all the while thinking about how I can build my independence and ‘not rely on any man’ (you see, there are many who still think that marriage is about relying on a man – this is wrong) I will always thank God though for keeping me as focused as He possibly could – material things were never the big deal, much as I, like everyone else, would prefer a life of comfort. I saved my ka money and was able to actually provide for myself fairly well throughout university.
Anyways, fast forward through the mistakes and heartbreaks, I was engaged on 06.04.2019! Yes, my long, tiny finger had a ring on it (the engagement story is an impending blogpost on its own) and it happened way too fast but I had no reason as to why I should say no – so I said yes. I did not know by then the full extent of what I was saying yes to. But the beauty of saying yes when your mind is at peace and there are no pushing factors (pressure from friends/family, a pregnancy, or a green card haha) is that you have enough time to process your answer. I had enough time to go back, and make my list of pros and cons peacefully, no pressure. Why was I accepting to get married to this man? I did not want to waste his time, I respected him that much.
Nugget: I keep telling those around me that “forever is such a long time … [to spend it with someone you are not sure of]” Before saying yes to any serious commitment, think about the other person too – are you right for them? What can you add to them? How will you compliment their life? Marriage is not simply about taking and taking repeatedly, you have to know what you too are bringing to the table. Proverbs 31:10ff.
Luckily, I didn’t take too much time to think about why I had said yes because a year or so before the engagement, he took me for a date that was more of a do-we-really-want-to-be-together meeting. For that date, we had pre-planned to create an environment to ask all questions, lay down all fears and make all sorts of promises and we vowed to be accountable to each other while reflecting on the conversations we would have on that day [13.01.2018]
Nugget: Before you make any serious commitments, ask any and all questions. Even if it means asking something as crazy as; does your family hate people from my tribe? What if we get married and it turns out we cannot have babies? What if I cannot cook or do house chores? Are you circumcised? Where is the wedding money going to come from? How many babies do you want us to have? I think you get the point now. You must know as much as possible about one another and be open to each other from the start.
I had made an effort to keep pointing out the engagement rings I didn’t want while begging him that, if the time ever came for the proposal, he would be very informed on which ring not to get. It is important to be very very open with your partner especially before any commitments are made. Trust me, you do not want to start a marriage or journey towards marriage with a pile of lies. Let him know the things you like and those you do not like – I for one was not ready to pretend to like my engagement ring so I would share with him my opinions on the subject. In turn, I would always ask him to evaluate our relationship and how the journey was going because it mattered to me that he was happy. (Do not be insensitive to your partner’s feelings)
Sometimes he would tell me something he thought I could work on and be better, I would get so angry and throw tantrums but after a while I would try to think about it and make steps to get better.
Nugget: If you are not ready to change, please do not bother starting the journey towards marriage. Please, don’t. For starters, I had to change my mindset towards marriage and tell myself that no matter how many bad relationships/marriages I had witnessed, it was possible to have a great God-ordained marriage. I had to work on my temper, I had to be willing to compromise my ‘independence’ and I also had to burn some bridges!
#2 The Preparation Phase … next time on GeneviveByName…
From time immemorial, there have been debates on how women should or should not be treated and these talks are still ongoing. These debates, informal and formal, have led to what is referred to as the Feminist Movement. This has been an umbrella of various political campaigns for reforms on issues such as reproductive rights, domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay, women’s suffrage, sexual harassment, and sexual violence, all of which fall under the label of feminism and the feminist movement. The rise of feminism was not inspired by the need to be equal to men per se … no. I believe that it was inspired by the demand for women to be treated like human beings who have rights that were being abused.
The point of focus here today is the issue of sexual harassment – I am 100% sure that every girl has had one or two or even uncountable experiences of sexual harassment. I have heard so many views and been a part of so many discussions centred on this topic and many of the discussions simply end in agreeing to disagree. It beats me how some people do not understand (or maybe they do not want to understand?) what sexual harassment is and at times, those who understand it choose to ignore it. Sexual harassment is not sexual assault, ref: https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-harassment and because most women do not know that, they fail to realise when they are being victims of sexual harassment.
For example, did you know that any verbal harassment of a sexual nature, including jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation and unwanted touching or physical contact on any part of your body is referred to as sexual harassment? In most cases, when girls do not speak up about how they feel when sexually harassed, they leave room for sexual assault from the same people (much as sometimes sexual assault happens with no previous warning signs). How many times have you walked down a street and people whistled at you? Tried to grab your hand or …? Spoke all kinds of things about you? Yep, that is sexual harassment!
Some people have blamed sexual harassment/assault victims by saying that they encouraged it by what they were wearing, smiling welcomingly or even walking at night, or walking alone … really? https://www.iup.edu/news-item.aspx?id=282717&blogid=18837, https://www.forestry.oregonstate.edu/wwyw/stories
When we were in primary school (grade 6-8) we used to have counsellors come to speak to us, girls and boys would be placed in different halls and we would all be spoken to in detail about growing up in our different sexual orientation. I remember vividly that in those years there was a campaign called ‘bad touches’ and we would joke about it all the time but we also learnt greatly what was acceptable and what was not acceptable and when to make an alarm. Unfortunately, in the present day, school administrators are assuming that parents are educating their children while the parents are assuming that the teachers are educating their children and in the middle of this confusion are children who are not empowered to speak up for what they feel is an abuse of their basic human rights. It infuriates me that speaking about issues like these is still treated as an abomination yet young girls are suffering greatly. The older girls know what is wrong but are shy to speak up for fear of being ridiculed, mocked, teased or used as examples … nothing helpful is expected. Dear working class lady/church girl/maid/young corporate/internee/vacist/student/pupil/tourist;
You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage. – Alex Elle
Now, we may not be able to change a whole generation right now and cause people to respect our rights and practise self-control/restraint but we can start somewhere: we can speak up! Tell that friend, neighbour, relative what you are not okay with, be bold in your speech, be aware of right and wrong and let your word be final. Do not entertain those ‘jokes’, or at times they call them ‘accidents’ or ‘mistakes’ or ‘weaknesses’ … no.
To not speak would mean we are accepting harassment as our normal, as part of the fabric of our being. Granted, speaking up has been encouraged all over the globe and it is commonly sung song at this point but unfortunately many are still choosing silence. Being silent neither helps you nor your sister or maybe we do not have enough platforms in Uganda/Africa to speak up? Not to mention the stigma surrounding speaking up on sexual harassment but … The bible says that our bodies are the temple of God so why should you be silent when someone tries to defile yours or that of your loved one?
Dear man/woman, treat that lady like you would want your daughter, sister and/or mother to be treated and where no consent has been given… keep a respectful distance in word and actions.
Hopefully we are going into the last lap of the lockdown!
It is safe to say that our nationals are pretty much confused at this point on what the future holds but we are hanging in there. If Italy did it, Uganda will do it too. Amen.
Enjoy the read. #NewBloggerAlert
Each day of the lockdown comes with it’s amusements. My area of residence has been in a blackout with no electricity for the most part of the day. I think that electricity passes for the essential services whose availability shouldn’t be tampered with in this season unless there’s a floating island somewhere…
I made it through the day and have also been greatly amused to learn that our president (M7) is slated to make some clarifications regarding the address he made yesterday for the sake of the many Ugandans that were bamboozled by his unwavering style of delivering unpleasant news!
During the course of the day, I decided to take a walk. It was quite a considerable distance and the fact that it involved conquering a hill was thrilling and a little mind wrecking.
After making it past the steep parts of the hill, I was relieved and thrilled that…
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As the COVID-19 pandemic rages on, reports of domestic violence are increasing around the world . In Hubei province the heart of the initial corona virus outbreak, domestic violence reports to the police tripled during the February lock down from 47 last year to 162.
Disclaimer- This article contains content of a disturbing nature.
In this article, I will define domestic violence and highlight the ripple effect of COVID 19 lock down policies on the increase in domestic violence in Uganda specifically to girls and women. ( The writer …
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Day 21 – What Makes Me Happy
Fulfillment! Fulfillment! Fulfillment! Fulfillment is what makes me happy. So, what is fulfillment?
A feeling of satisfaction at having achieved your desires or the achievement of something desired, promised or predicted.
I am happy when I do big things like ticking off the dreams that have manifested but I am also happy when I accomplish a task I promised myself I would focus on. For example the memories of my wedding day make me happy but also, I am happy that I can say I released 21 blogs for the UG BLOG MONTH (Even if my last one is 5 days late, sorry!) I was happy when I got my first job but I am always happy when it shines super bright and my clothes are on the laundry lines. I am always happy when big plans go better than anticipated but I am also happy when I am about to eat something I have been craving.
I searched for the definition of happiness and the best I saw was that happiness is a sense of well-being, joy or contentment. It is really hard to be happy when you are not contented; when you do not feel fulfilled, when you always feel like there is a gap, that there is something missing. Remember, happiness is a state (of mind, soul, spirit, or even body), it is not an inborn or adopted character or personality trait and so it is easily changeable. Being someone who is always optimistic does not make you a happy person per se. Therefore, we may not be able to be in a state of happiness 24/7 as there are so many other variables that may affect us however, it is important to do and surround yourself with things and people that help you attain this state called happiness.
Happiness is one of those things that should never be faked (you will burn out!) and your happiness should not depend on another person (sometimes we depend on people who are also so so so emotionally drained). Find the things that make you happy in your relationships, in ministry, at work… and do them for your benefit and for the benefit of those around you. Happiness should not only be in the big things, you will miss out on the true beauty of life. William Morris was quoted to have said that;
“The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all details of daily life.”
The bible, in Psalms 144:15 KJV ends with this statement: “happy are the people whose God is the Lord”. If God, and the things of God, are your primary source of happiness, you have a much better shot at this thing called happiness!
#13 #J #UgBlogMonth #TheFinale #Happyness #Fulfillment #DayLast